Gaslighting is a term many people haven't heard but in many cases have become victims of. I only came across the term myself a few years ago, which set me wondering in the back of my head if I was a victim. Since that friendship ended, I have come to the conclusion I was, I don't know when it started and it saddens me to think it did, but sadly I believe it's the case.
Encase you haven't come across the term before Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity.
Over time, the manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see truth.
Hopefully unlike myself this won't ring alarm bells in your head or creating a feeling of discomfort. I used to attend Recovery College which have different courses for wellbeing and mental health. I used to use my friends as examples and complain about stuff that had happened; over a few courses I had the same instructor. She would always tell me about how I needed new friends, I often thought it was because she didn’t hear the positives they did, but what I see how is the negatives far outweighed them. My blog why I want revenge talks about this toxic friendship.
There is a lot of things I regret from back then, but I do wonder if I am a stronger better person because of it all, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I still believe there are still bad traits that came from my friendship with them and I am working on that.
There other day I randomly bumped into someone who was in the friendship group but not one of the toxic ones. Sometimes myself and her wouldn't see eye to eye but now I see with a clear head, the issues were because of the crap I was being fed. We had a great chat briefly before we both had to go, the one thing she said that made me realise how far I had come is "you seem alot happier, things are going well for you now". It could of just been a nice thing somone says, but she was always honest and it meant alot to hear. When I had told her what happened with our mutual former friends, she couldn't believe how they had turned their back on me, she also made comments on how they had treated me over the years. I think those comments concreted or finalised the idea, I had been a victim of gas lighting.
I know what i experienced changed how i thought and felt about my entire world, what I enjoyed, what i did and in some cases who i liked what dictated by two people. My need for them and there direction in life became extreme and codependant. Once they were gone i fell down to a very dark place and had to discover who I was. All i cared about what being their friend and them being in my life, i would of done anything for them. I like to think i was a great friend to them, they were like family to me, the sad reflection is, clearly the feeling wasnt mutual and they manipluated me to increasingly over the year.
Knowing what it is and experiencing it won't meant it won't happen again, I don't think it's as cut and dry like that, it's a slow process that builds up without you realising. I hope to think I am stronger mentally now and have more confidence in myself. I have stronger armour now, I have more to believe in and someone who believes in me and loves me got me.
I am in no way perfect, no one is. I do have a list of therapy and courses I have been on that mean I should know. I like to think whoever reads my blogs will learn from them and help them.
If you believe or have any question this is happening to you or someone you know, it might be worth talking to them about it, see if you can resolve the issue. If this doesn’t work or you strongly believe it will not, it could be time for them to leave your life. There could be cases when people are not aware they are gas lighting someone, if this is the case I would like to think they would happily talk about it and make the changes if they deserve to be in your life.
My question to end this blog is, Have you been a victim of gaslighting or know someone who has? if so what happened to resolve this and did it work?