First off, Happy New Year! Hope you had a great Christmas. It's for many with seasonal depression a hard time or year, where I have previously spoken about forced happiness. This year, is the first on my adult life where I would say I wasn't depressed around the idea, also wouldn't say I was feeling excited in the sense it's Christmas. The thing I am excited for is my first proper Christmas and New year with my fiancée due to previous Covid restrictions. Also the fact I'm starting a new job next year. So this year I have positive things to look forward too, in a time of a year which i normally find depressing
This month's blog is about removing or addressing toxic things in your life. These things could be people, an activity, work or anything that is having a negative affect your mental health. It is hard to see what is toxic in your life; normally things have to turn bad before your notice. You also find yourself weighing up the pros and cons of whatever it is.
Things that I have noticed being toxic for me was my job, people who work with me or know me, knew what affect it had on me. I did have amazing moments which I will never forget thanks to some amazing people I worked with but I did also have some very deep lows there too. Words cannot describe how low my wellbeing went at times whole working there. This of course was an easy fix; all I had to do was finish my diploma and find a new job.
Toxic people I have also had many encounters with, not just toxic from the start but also turning toxic. I think the most toxic people have been ones I have written about so much, funny thing is my mother actually seemed to say something nice about them the other day which was a first.
In the recent year, I have also see someone who was so calm collected and caring turn into someone very toxic. This person once had such a strong moral standpoint but now, let’s say has a more selfish, self gratifying attitude. I could never believe someone could change to this extreme. Makes me question if I ever really knew this person or has something really affected him so much it's changed who he is fundamentally. I hope that one day he will realise the dark path he has taken and try and amend this and before it's beyond the point of no return. Can someone really turn from selfless to selfish in less than a year, clearly this is possible.
The sad truth is, I think can forgive him, because I love him and love his company. No matter what I think I want the best for him. We have both said some hurtful things to eachother, some that cannot be forgotten but am I naive to think I can or should see past it all. I believe he can be the person I used to look upto once again.
Over the years I have met too many people to count which are truly toxic, the main culprit is selfishness in its truest form. Of course there are other traits too.
I do think there are people that fundamentally pure but have become toxic becomes of habits they have assimilated, this can happen because of what we all have experienced lately which is Covid 19 and lockdown. Our experiences do create toxic habits which can grow and take control of us.
I think this nicely moves me onto toxic habits, I am no Saint I know I have plenty myself. The important thing is trying to recognise and trying to replace it with something positive. I have had some truly toxic traits in my life, which include self harming behaviours.
When people think self harming behaviours they normally think, cutting and burning but these are only physical and visible examples.
Guilt is a good example of a toxic habit but is also directly connected to toxic people for me. This year I have gone from having one of the closest friends I've ever had to him wanting to have nothing to do with me. This over my life has been a repeating occurrence. Is it me, do I have a bad taste in friendship or have I just been unlucky and have they changed. I naturally go to blaming myself, which is unhealthy and toxic. But I can't help but think is it me, but I know I shouldn't blame myself but, I am the only connection that I can see. Why do people reject me but then others have friends for 5 plus years. I know I have grown and developed as a person but this cycle remains.
This could be a controversial one, but I think another toxic habit I have is that I care too much. I have always been a very emotion lead person. In many cases this is a great thing, but when it comes to friendship rejection or arguments it hurts more. I used to seek reassurance from those around me which could mean I was very demanding but also meant I felt on edge about people being upset with me. Luckily this is something I am getting better with.
Something very important no matter what your wellbeing is, is recognising what has an effect on you and how, this could be people, items, activities work or something you do.
Many courses I have been on talk about recognising you emotions, knowing how each level appears for you. Got example I know low level anxiety for me appears visually for me, like a halo or aura around people. Very faint, so nothing worrying, I can also get a bit of an eye twitch too.
Toxic habits can also be things you do when you feel a certain way. These things can be done when you feel a certain way for self soothing but you can become reliant on them. They can also harm you too. An example of this, Without realising when i feel anxious i bite the inside of my mouth. It is a common thing people do, at first glance it sounds fine. Sadly it causes scaring on the inside of my cheeks, which doctors have had to make sure nothing scary is inside the scare tissue. At one point when my anxiety was really bad my cheeks did bleed because of it which started me being very aware of it, which now i make an active effort to stop. I also can move two of my fingers together quickly and so they slightly rub each other which is short term ok but i can get dry skin between those two fingers, which can be easily fixed and a fidget toy or something to fiddle with can stop this but i don’t see it as a bad habit as i rarely do it and it has minimal damage.
Every person has toxic things in their life, it’s just a matter of degree and how you deal with them. Personally the people who don’t think they have any or will be in denial about how it is affect them or those around you. Finding ways to address them will help you become stronger and a better person. People coming together to create a support bubble or community is a great way of developing yourselves and supporting those around you.
I would love to know what your experience of toxic elements in your life. What was it? How did it affect you? What did you do if anything?