This months blog, has been a hard one. I am not 100% sure why but work has been crazy lately and things have changed which I am not a fan of. I feel constantly tired and fed up, sometimes I don’t fully know why, but that can be the "fun" of mental health. This of course is something people who do not struggle with their mental health are aware of, everything can feel like shit and you do not know why or what triggered it. Sometimes for me anyway it can be things changing and not feeling in control or prepared for it.
This months blog originally was going to be able male stereotyping and how we as men aren’t allowed to show our true emotions because it was weak or "gay". I personally hate terms like "man up" or "grow some balls". I hate the fact that this is the case or has been, it has too change. I guess I haven’t fully changed the subject the made it more relevant for how I am at the moment.
I get really stuck on financial things but also really bad at spending too, which really winds me up. One reason I get stuck on financial is because I want enough money in 2 years time, which i know is possible but still get stressed out about. I have a tattoo sleeve which needs finishing and it became a project that got out of hand which how much work needed to go into it. I know I could leave it until I have the savings, but at same time seeing a unfinished project really bugs me and creates a constant reminder of money. I think money is a massive problem for everyone not just people like me who have mental health issues.
They say money buys you happiness but that is a lie, happiness is a state of mind. If money bought you happiness why would famous and well off people have mental health issues which sadly results in them ending their lives.
It is also funny in a way, I help and support young people with their mental health for a leaving, I also have had a lot of counselling and training courses to improve my knowledge of mental health. People and mostly toxic people say, you have all this can you still have issues you must be weak and cant help other people. Sometimes I have moments when I believe that but it isn’t the case. Just because I have the tools to help repair myself doesn’t mean I won’t ever break, I have the tools for a reason, not just for my job. Builders, handy men and DIY people have the tools to maintain and repair their houses but it doesn’t stop them from breaking, in my eyes it’s the same for mental health.
The last person, who said or heavily implied this, actually went against all the advice he gives everyone else and fucked up his life for no reason other than being an idealist. The cherry on the cake also is because we had a massive fall out, he messaged the blog anonymously, saying my content was good but said my name was fitting because that’s what I became. It’s bad enough saying shit like that when it isn’t needed but do it with the protection of being nameless.
I feel this month has only developed my dislike of people, there are people I like and love but the rest just annoy me. I have come to the conclusion I don’t have unrealistic expectations or standards for people. The truth is there are a lot of toxic selfish people in the world who cannot ever meet the standard of being a good person. I know I have times when I don’t meet them myself.
I know things will improve and compared to the rest of the shit happening in the world, my problems don’t compare. But because it doesn’t compare to other issues doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel it or it should be ignored. Bottling up feelings only makes things worse and develops and festers inside.
This months blog has been a bit or a rant and about acknowledging how you feel. The question this month is "What is something that really bugs you which people don’t acknowledge or play down?"